Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
