Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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