You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
