I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
