if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
