Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
