We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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