White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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