but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Houston, we have a blender
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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