the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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