If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
