I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
