there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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