mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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