Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm at about main and main street
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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