just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
