I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
