chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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