also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
