you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
