Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
