her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
