There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
