He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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