All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
