I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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