Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it hurts more in the daytime
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
