I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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