Tell her she can't have a vagina
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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