Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
