where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
