I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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