you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
