TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
