I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
