"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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