Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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