Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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