i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
