Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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