Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
