and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Mom said you looked used
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
