took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
