She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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