I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
