Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
