Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
