Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
