Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
