Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
