Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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